For those with no children - this is totally hysterical!
those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.
For those who have children this age, this is not funny.
those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.
For those who have not yet had children, this should be a
form of birth control.
The following message was written by an anonymous and
obviously long-suffering mother in Austin, Texas:
1. A king-size waterbed holds enough water to fill the ground
floor of a 2000 square ft. house 4 inches deep.
2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller
blades, they will ignite.
3. A 3-year old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4. If you
hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-lb boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman
cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball
up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6. The glass in windows (even double-pane)
doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words, "uh oh," it's already
8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9. A six-year old can start a fire with
a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
10. Certain Legos will pass through
the digestive tract of a 4-year old.
11. Playdough and microwave should never be used in the same sentence.
Unlike love, super glue is forever.
13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on
14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15. VCR's do not eject peanut butter and jelly sandwiches even though
TV commercials show they do.
16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots
of noise when driving.
18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.
19. Always look in the oven before
you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens.
20. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms
dizzy. It will, however, make cats dizzy. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.