Any of these sound familiar?

 ~ Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.
 ~ The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your
bi-focals.
 ~ You keep repeating yourself.
 ~ You feel like the morning after and you haven't been
anywhere.
 ~ Your little black book contains only names that end in
M.D.
 ~ Your children begin to look middle aged.
 ~ You keep repeating yourself.
 ~ You finally reach the top of the ladder and find it
leaning against the wrong wall.
 ~ Your mind makes contracts your body can't meet.
 ~ You look forward to a dull evening.
 ~ Your favorite part of the newspaper is "20 Years Ago
Today."
 ~ You turn out the lights for economic rather than
romantic reasons.
 ~ You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
 ~ Your knees buckle, and your belt won't.
 ~ You're 17 around the neck, 42 around the waist, and 105 around the golf course.
 ~ Your back goes out more than you do.
 ~ You sink your teeth into a steak, and they stay there.
 ~ You have too much room in the house and not enough in
the medicine cabinet.
 ~ You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the
questions.
 ~ You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead.
 ~ You're proud of your lawn mower.
 ~ Your best friend is dating someone half his/her age ... and isn't breaking any laws.
 ~ Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.
 ~ You would rather go to work than stay home sick.
 ~ You make an appointment to see the dentist.
 ~ People call at 9 pm and ask, "Did I wake you?"
 ~ You have a dream about prunes.
 ~ You answer a question with, "Because I said so."
 ~ You send money to PBS.
 ~ The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top
of your pants.
 ~ You take a metal detector to the beach.
 ~ You wear black socks with sandals.
 ~ You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor
to watch TV.
 ~ Your ears and nose are hairier than your head.